I know I'm not fat, but I know there's fat. I can feel it when I bend and when I try to do things. There's way less than there used to be but I'm still feeling like I'm not where I want to be. I recall the old days of being totally in shape. Where are those pictures of me posing in body builder poses? Probably no one will believe it was me. However I remember how it felt to be that fit. I want that again. Funny, I didn't really have to work as hard as I seem to work now and I ate anything I wanted. I really want those days back. Where the heck did that body go and who snuck in and left this new older version for me to drag around? Just not loving this body of mine so much these days. It betrays me when I want the most from it. Lately I've had a piriformis issue. This totally sucks and now it's starting to affect my right foot at times. Yes I'm massaging it and working this thing out all the time. Stretching and hoping this problem will finally disappear but just when I can forget about it, it comes back and begins to ache. F this. I've been working on maintenance since the Ironman race hoping to hang on to much of the fitness I had developed, and in all honesty I think I've been able to hang on to a lot more than I deserve. It's been nice to run up stairs and not be breathless and to do an indoor tri and not have to go home and nap all afternoon. However, I'm still frustrated with age and the effects I feel.
I suppose I should be grateful that I don't have worse problems. I mean I could be completely incapacitated like I was from 1991-1999 by migraine headaches and CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) but that is such an extreme.
I should also be grateful that my mental faculties are almost completely returned. I'm back to reading 500 wpm and 700 books a year again. I recently passed the IM coaching certification test so I'm confident that my mental capacity is pretty good.
Perhaps that's why I'm so hard on myself. I think all the time. I question and analyze and wonder why I can't do more. I hate to chalk it up to age and let it go. I'm certainly never going there.
I think I'll just keep after these things, dealing with the issues as they arise and keep going forward. That's the only direction I know that's worth the effort.
