One of the Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG) of my life this year is to complete the Iron Man Lousiville. If you had told me at any time since I became a mother at 33 that I would attempt this dream I had when I was in my 20s (1980s) I would have laughed it off. More than that I would have just thought you were nuts and moved on. But this year I signed up for this race. In 2010, I was 52 and did my first triathlon; Olympic distance race at the Chicago Triathlon. What I did not know was that this was one of the largest triathlons in the country, and looking back from my now six years of triathlon experience and now USAT Level 1 coaching certification, it was one of the more challenging races of that distance in this country.
Why?
1. You have a deep water start and a long deep water swim, with a turn. At no point in this race can you touch bottom. In 2010, I had been a scuba diver for many years but could not swim a length in free style without gasping and was prone to panic attacks without flotation devices of some sort.
2. I had never been a runner and you have a .25 mile run to transition from the swim and the heat in Chicago during that race typically has heat indexes of 100 or more and very little shade. This makes running quite challenging. Even for the pros and good athletes, who sometimes resort to walking and I was going to run with about 20 extra pounds on me and about 10 years of financial, career and divorce stress in my life. Not a great beginning.
3. I had a 30 year old bike. Truly, I bought my Suteki in 1980 and rode it often. I had been a bike rider in my high school years and had ridden that bike for many miles but not in the last 10 years. True I had gotten it out and ridden 8 miles RT to work and back in the summers in Indianapolis. It was a heavy bike with many good features for the time, but it was very far from the bikes of today. It still had gear shifters that you had to play with to find the gear and the pedals had no clips. I planned to use this bike on the Lake Shore course with wind, sun and hills which was quite a challenge.
So despite all those setbacks, I was encouraged by my coaches to do the Olympic distance, not the sprint. I wanted to do a triathlon and if I had it to do over again I might choose the sprint or even the super sprint to start. I don't know how that might have changed my course in triathlons but perhaps it did. I trained all summer and got better at everything but that race still took me 4:52 to complete. Looking back I still cannot believe I did that. So maybe starting there and knowing I am able to keep moving for five hours and not die was a good testament to my discipline and perseverance that I might not have gotten had I done a shorter race. I only know that after that race I was barely able to move myself home and spent the next day recovering by laying around mostly. I was not only stiff but I was extremely fatigued.
I had thought that one race would be sufficient. However, I had also signed up to raise money for a charity: AIDS Foundation of Chicago and worked hard to raise the cash and to honor my brother who died of AIDS in 1986. He was my only brother and we were very close. I had not felt his nearness for many years and thought my connection to his spirit was now gone. My daughter has a great deal of his personality and spirit so I had felt that he was with her and therefore still with me. However, I talked to him on this race when I felt I could not more further and heard his encouragement in my mind. All this made me want to do the race again. To be close to him, to give him a voice he never had and to help others with this disease. So I signed up for the same race the following year. 4:42 was that race time, I had a panic attack in the swim and heard him tell me "you'll never be a lifeguard" convincing me that not only was he still with me but that his sense of humor was intact. When I laughed, I relaxed and finished the swim quite well. It still makes me smile to think of that episode. At the end of that race I told my coach that I was finished with Tris. I had thought I was going to die that day.
So in year three, I wanted to do that race again and get past that 4:30 barrier. That same year a bunch of my AFC training buddies were signed up for Steelhead, a 70.3 Half Ironman race. I watched them train and was jealous but still felt I couldn't do it. I signed up to spectate their race and watching them complete that race inspired me to consider it myself, next year. I did the OLY that year in under 4:30 but was still unsatisfied with my fitness and decided to train through the fall and attempt HONU 70.3 in April in Hawaii. What better way to combine vacation and racing? As it turned out, I missed the bike cut off by 3 minutes and was DNFd. I cried. I had worked so hard and was very disappointed and embarrased because I knew my friends back home were watching my progress. I spent my vacation licking my wounds and nursing my pride and decided to try again at Steelhead.
This time I finished it. 8:15 was my time. By luck and circumstance I ended up being called up for the world championship race at that event. "say what?" Yep, I signed up for the Las Vegas 70.3 World championship race and when I finished that in 9:12, I was astonished. It was one of the hardest things I had experienced in my life. I was alone at that race, no friends and few people to talk to. The race was actually in Henderson and if you think it's flat you'd be very wrong. It was also raining a huge amount that day and many bike wipeouts occurred all around me. I just kept pushing. When I got to the transition area, I was sure I had missed the cut off but was told I had an hour yet! I cried at that transition too. What a long way I had come from April to September in one year! The run was a hard hard walk with wet shoes, hot sun and high humidity. I was encouraged by so many strangers along the way who were really hoping I'd make it to the end. They believed in me when I was so sure I was just not going to make it. I bless all those people again and again because they drowned out the naysayer in my head with their positive words of encouragement and cheering.
The following year I did another set of half distance races and found that I was doing better but still learning. I did NOLA, Racine and Grand Rapids that year along with the Chicago OLY and other races. That year my Oly was 3:40. Yes, I had improved that much.
So this year is my IM year. I've done Haines City and was disappointed in my performance but I did finish. July will be Muncie and I have hopes for my finish time to improve. In August I'll do the full Aqua Bike at Titanium for practice of the full distance of swim and bike. And October 11, I'll be on the course in Louisville. 
So why have I continued to do these races and challenge myself? A triathlon is where you have no choice but to live in the moment. No Ipods or other listening devices are allowed. In this day and age, the opportunity to put down the phone, ipod and focus only on your own progress as you move forward toward a goal is a rare and beautiful experience. It is one that helps you to learn who you really are and what you are really made of. It's also a way to be outside, enjoy nature and to breathe in the life all around you. I find it's also a way to keep my Type A personality in check and to keep a goal in front of me. Finally, my training is a constant in my life.
No matter what is happening, the training goes on and builds. I like how I feel and how I look but mostly I love the feeling of moving forward, even when other parts of my life might feel stalled.
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